Liveblogging the Campaign Coverage of the Damn Election

Watching the pundits so you don’t have to.

Can I start with this: Chris Matthews just fucking sucks. Every time he opens his mouth, white men across the country should cringe and shrunk into the corner.

Just the snappings of me tonight. Mister is off stalking McCain and since McCain will be speaking in Kenner in about 1 minute or so, I don’t think he’ll be back in time to join me.

7:33 pm …She stuck with it to the end…

And the twist that’s new for me—that Obama will offer HRC the VP nomination if she promises not to take it.

Uh-oh—Jindal is on the stage in Kenner.

He’s talking…it’s 7:34. McCain is imminent. I hope Mister didn’t say anything about levees or schools or Jefferson parish and get himself looked at sideways by some local boys….

7:36: He’s [Obama] got to deal with both Clintons…Bill Clinton as angry as he is…is itching to redeem himself.

As well he should be.

7:38: The dulcet tones of McCain who thinks he’s in NO. Sorry, Mac, you’re in KENNER.

7:39: He sounds so sarcastic as he “praises” Obama’s “eloquence” and HRC’s example for women and his “friend.”

And then he drops mention of her.

7:40: And the skull-stiff grin. Shudder.

It’s the choice between the right change and the wrong change, Mac says. So he can be 70-something and in DC for decades and be dripping in lobbyists but still be the Man Of Change. Retch.

7:41: …the right kind of change…

7:42: Americans have been experiencing a lot of change in their lives….job loss, failing schools, prohibitively expensive healthcare….

7:44: Obama needs 9 delegates. HRC needs 199. Montana polls close in 1 hour 15 minutes.

Post-Katrina talk. Exposed weakness.

7:45: OK, Mac is older and is surprised that Obama, such a young man, has so many bad ideas. How dare he think government should take action in citizens’ lives. Social services come from the selfishness of politicians. And he threw in “Big Government,” too.

7:47: Haven’t seen much of that McCain patented bipartisanship lately.

7:48: Mac takes credit for The Surge in Iraq and its success.

7:50: Mac is painting an Iraq I have yet to see. Him either.

7:52: Because Obama’s plan will make us less safe and Mac “can’t let that happen.” Because withdrawing from Iraq will create a larger war in the Middle East.

7:53: The BOO! at “wasteful spending.” And no “discretionary spending” until all agencies have been audited.

The sound bite: “That’s not change we can believe in.”

The next president must be ready to break with current energy policy…to put us on the course to energy independence.

7:55: That’s not change we can believe in.

I wonder if Mister is still in there. Did they see him for what he was when he didn’t laugh at Mac’s “joke”?

7:57: I have that record, Sen. Obama does not.

What record? An original 78?

And that’s not change we can believe in.

Choice, choice, choice. I live in NO. Fucking “choice” is too often a way of saying, Fuck you, you’re on your damn own.

7:58: …special interests…that’s not change we can believe in.

Mac criticizing Obama about vague “special interests.” Not only do I hear glass breaking but I hear a touch of “outside agitators” in the tone.

7:59: That’s not change we can believe in.

8:00: BREAKING NEWS: Obama is the nominee. Mac interrupted.

And MSNBC is not going back. They are chatting up the obvious Obama news. And Chris Matthews is talking about the worldwide impact of Obama. Though he was mostly saying that Africa will be somehow affected. Race pride? Kids in Kenya reading the paper, excited. “…and they’re cheering.” Somebody hit him in the back of the head and put him out, please.

And is he turning red and splotchy? Is he having an allergy attack? Does my TV hate Chris Matthews as much as I do?

8:04: Olberman trying to tell me that as blacks we have overcome a (symbolic) barrier. Shit, this is the backlash—ignorant yet well-intentioned pap about “race.”

8:05: Olberman: …politically, this is like landing on the moon right now…..

Oh fucking please.

8:07: Obama’ll have to earn the presidency, Tom Brokaw says with a grave and warning tone. Earn it like Bush did?

8:09: Harold Ford is not a favorite of mine. And for him to call what Mac said “inspiring and compelling” is delusional. Where’s Mister when I need him?

8:10: I don’t remember hearing these “specifics” about “the future” Ford is saying Mac totally kicked ass on. I guess that all happened after MSNBC broke away for the BREAKING NEWS we’ve been waiting to hear all damn day.

8:11: Summary of the last 8+ minutes of punditry: Oh, he’s black, he’s black, how you feel about him being black? everybody’s looking at our black nominee, it’s a “new threshold,” he’s black, he’s black, he’s a black man, he’s black…

I am weary already. I shouldn’t even be watching this. I should be lying down with my eyes closed waiting for beer to come…..

8:20: Time for pundits to chew up time until HRC speaks in about 8 minutes or so.

The unity ticket is a non-starter.

8:22: MORE BREAKING NEWS: HRC gets South Dakota. Oh.

Pat Buchanan is dismayed, thought Obama was ahead and thinks HRC’s looking like a VP.

8:23: A blank screen would be more useful than these pundits. Buchanan carrying the HRC flag still scares the shit out of me.

8:31: HRC in a basement on a college campus. The first thing you saw when her music was cued—ain’t no mountain high enough…—was Bill Clinton. Then HRC. Chelsea took up the rear.

8:34: We should congratulate Sen. Obama and his supporters for their hard work. Nothing about him being the nominee.

Some of HRC is being drowned out by riotous belly laughs from The Girl. I think the DVD du nuit is Underdog.

8:36: Three black people clumped right behind HRC’s right shoulder.

And she’s still saying she’s the “stronger” choice, the one who will be “ready” to take the White House and “lead.”

Her primary votes. Conveniently leaves out the not-counted caucus goers or the people in FL and MI who didn’t vote at all because they were told the election wouldn’t count. I’m sure that’s more than the 3000 votes difference between HRC’s and Obama’s primary numbers.

8:38: Now she says she got the swing states and the electoral votes.

“Yes, she will,” they chant. Haven’t they watched the news?

Let them stay the course with HRC these last few minutes., I need a damn break…..

8:45: She’s been fighting for “health care” for 16 years, “not just the last 16 months.” Looks like that’s been as successful as her campaign.

8:46: Why does she sound like she’s giving her acceptance of the nomination speech?

8:47: …and said, Keep fighting, stay in the race for US…

white people?

8:49: …and I will be making no decisions tonight…I want to hear from you. I hope you go to my website…and share your thoughts with me and help in any way you can…and I want to conclude tonight by saying thank you, thank you to the people across America…I am honored and humbled by your support and trust….

And I am dismayed by that trust. Haven’t they been listening before now?

8:51: She’s thanking her campaign leadership. Who got paid really damn well to help her spend her way to number 2. After appointing herself the frontrunner. Because…I mean, like…who would vote for a…a black man? For president?

HRC spoke in a basement with no TV monitors, no cell reception, no word that 45 or so minutes earlier, Obama had been declared the nominee. And they trust her. Help me understand this.

9:01: The glorious return of Mister with his undercover “Super Mac” McCain button. McCain’s head on a Superman. What the.

I think Mister will join. Look for him in italics.

9:08: Here he comes…That is A Purple Dress Michelle Obama has on.

9:10: Here’s the man Tim Russert said Republicans fear because he is siphoning off their young Repub voters.

I’m uploading video to YouTube of my encounter with John McCain. So nice to be back in time for Obama’s speech.

9:13: Minnesota—good place to mention the white grandmother.

9:14: He said it, he said it.

It’s finally come to this.

Mister is machinating on his laptop….Hm…..

9:15: Finally. The McCain crowd, I must point out, seems both paranoid and scared of Obama—scared of his political ability.

Or McCain’s inability. He looked like death even on TV.

9:20: Oh, the Ladies in red and sparkly blue stars. They LOVE Obama.

9:22: Unlike HRC, when a supporter yells out or makes eye contact, Obama smiles and sees that person, hears that person, nods or answers, “And I love you, too.” HRC pauses briefly to catch her breath and plows forward.

9:23: …policies that have lowered the real income…a policy in Iraq that asks everything of our people in uniform but nothing of Iraqi politicians…a war that isn’t making hte American people any safer…

9:25: …start leaving we must…

The redefining, again, of “change.” I like Obama’s better.

9:28: Bill Clinton isn’t the applause line he once was.

9:30: …we can’t leave the money behind in No Child Left Behind…in this global economy, the chance of getting a college education should not be the privilege of the few but the birthright of every American and that’s why I’m running for president of the United States…

Damn. That is one raucous crowd. The Yes, We can! has begun, crested, and hushed as Obama speaks again. They shush down fast.

9:34: “That’s the change we need in America”—Obama’s refrain tonight is sure better than McCain’s lifeless performance tonight. Amazing the difference in energy. The McCain crowd was so much more forced than the excitement Obama inspires. It’s a striking difference—it’s like McCain’s rally was filmed in a movie studio with a couple hundred extras compared to Obama’s stadium rock.

9:36: 9:35: From the crowd—We believe in YOU!

He’s cooking now…..

9:36: From the crowd—Si, se puede!

“America, this is our time.” He’s singing. Straining his voice expressing his “love” for the country. Great performance–difficult to resist. “This was the moment.” Yes, he’s singing.

America, this is our moment, this is our time…our time to offer a new direction for this country that we love…We will be able to look back and tell our children this was the moment we gave health care to the sick and jobs to the jobless…This was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation…This was the moment, this was the time when we came together to remake this great nation so it may always reflect our best selves.

Well, damn.

Just, wow.

And to bring you back down to earth, McCain post-speech:

9:46: Did you see that Hendrik Hertzberg wrote a piece praising his old buddy Chris Matthews? It actually makes Matthews a bit more human. While you’re reading it anyway. Then you watch Matthews and it’s all alien bizarro guy.

Matthews human. Right.

So Buddy Roemer spoke before McCain and Jindal. He follows Mac around and introduces him quote a bit. This is not a good thing. This is not the way to whip up inspiration. Roemer called Katrina a “natural disaster,” pointedly, Mister says. No Corps critique or mention here.

The Mac crowd, Mister calls “labored.”

Mister says the room was pretty sparsely populated and Mac played totally to the cameras. It was the same place Mister went to a Gun and Knife Show many years ago. By his damn self. And not far from there was the hotel where Vitter had his kinda-almost-sorry press conference. Axis of Evil in Kenner.

Bobby Jindal was wearing his US flag pin. Mac was not.

Wait ’til George Stephanopoulos gets ahold of him.